Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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