my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
