I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he high fived his dick after we had sex
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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