We named our party play list daddy issues
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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