Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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