we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
