Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
