I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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