So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
