Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
