So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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