He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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