why didn't you poke me back
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
