I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
