Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
