Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
