I just saw a hot homeless man
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
