I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
