ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
