I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
