Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
time to smoke my breakfast
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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