It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dicks are not precious.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
