I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
