her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
