My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
