somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
