My underwear smells like fireworks.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
