hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
