he wants to bone in the snuggie
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
