i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
