i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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