Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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