All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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