i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
