His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My ATM looks so different sober.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
