Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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