so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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