that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
