Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
