went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
why is half of my head shaved?
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