cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
