youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
