He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
