I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
