You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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