eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
