I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
