Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
