I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
