Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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