Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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