I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
