he shaved USA in his pubs
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Your cock deserves a montage
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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